A Buttery Yellow, a Hanged Man, and the Storm Ahead

Yesterday, I was determined to make at least a little progress on The Hanged Man. I had been putting it off, partly because moving a wet oil painting is a pain in the ass, and partly because I have no idea where I will be moving or what my circumstances will look like once I get there. Starting something new felt a little like creating another problem for my future self.

But eventually, I pushed through. I mixed the yellow for the background and got to work.

I didn't match the original color perfectly, but it was close enough to cover the old paint showing through. Yellow can be frustratingly translucent, so getting the coverage right takes patience. I wanted to do more, but the sunlight pouring through the windows had other plans. We never put up window treatments in the art room, so the afternoon sun can be brutal. I usually wear sunglasses and a hat if I need to work in there during those hours, but trying to color-match paint while wearing sunglasses is less than ideal.

Then there were the bugs. Ladybugs, a beetle, a stink bug, and a few flies had all decided the art room was the place to be. Between those unwanted visitors, the water-damaged ceiling, and the very real possibility of mold, it wasn't exactly an inspiring environment. I'd already started moving my art supplies out of that room because of the damage, only to have them moved right back in after I'd made space to work at the dining room table.

So, for now, The Hanged Man has a buttery pale yellow background. That's it. Not exactly a monumental accomplishment, but it's something. I'll try mixing some browns for the bat and greens for the moss next. We'll see how far I get today.

Sometimes, making art isn't about waiting for the perfect conditions. Sometimes, it's about finding a small window of opportunity in the middle of everything else falling apart.

Speaking of everything else, I'm still working on finding employment. I've applied to 111 jobs since the beginning of the year, including 21 since leaving my most recent job. I'd like to submit at least three more applications today. It's exhausting putting yourself out there over and over, trying to find something that fits your skills, your needs, and your circumstances. But I keep trying.

I also wish my Patreon brought in a little more income. I'm genuinely grateful for the patrons who support my work, and I don't want that gratitude to get lost in the frustration. But $15 a month doesn't leave much room to build the kind of financial foundation I'd need to pursue some of my bigger project ideas. Especially when I'm preparing for a move and buying groceries on a credit card.

I've been trying to explore other ways to bring my art into the world, too. I recently got a working Cricut, with some help from my partner toward the cost. Even at Goodwill, prices can sometimes be surprisingly steep. Of course, getting the machine was only the beginning. Now I need the right paper, vinyl, designs, and templates, along with plenty of trial and error.

I did manage to find a few rolls of vinyl at Ollie's, although the colors and sizes were limited. My goal is to start making sketchbooks featuring my own artwork as decals or stickers. It's another small idea that could eventually grow into something meaningful, both creatively and financially. For now, I'm figuring it out one experiment at a time.

There is so much I want to make. So many ideas waiting for their turn. Sometimes I wish I could skip the part where I have to figure out how to fund everything, find the space to work, and keep myself afloat long enough to bring those ideas to life.

I'm trying not to share too much about my personal life here, but I suspect some significant changes are coming. I may soon be navigating things on my own, and there is a lot of uncertainty in that. I'm doing my best to take things one day at a time, even when the future feels like a painting I've only just begun, with no idea where I'll be when the final layers dry.

For now, there is a little yellow on The Hanged Man. There are job applications to send, sketchbooks to experiment with, and a whole lot of figuring things out to do.

And then there is Zoey.

kitty 🍞 

He's happy and healthy, and that matters more than I can say. Whatever happens next, we'll face it together.

We will survive the storm together.

And maybe, just maybe, something beautiful will come out of all this uncertainty.